I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
