Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
how drunk are you?
Several
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
