i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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