I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
