never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
