is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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