I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
