He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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