hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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