did you get engaged???
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize