I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Barsexuality is the new black.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
