I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm really busy with my period
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