I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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