Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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