just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize