Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
