I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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