haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
