party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
