People in love make me want to vomit
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
