youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
