if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
