Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
