she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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