I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We are all done wearing pants today
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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