i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
