And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize