i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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