thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
