I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize