Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
