Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
