Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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