I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
