omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
