I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
