yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
