so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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