a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize