I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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