No awkward lesbian experiences without me
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
