Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
