One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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