I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
