that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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