Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The air was thick with penises
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
