I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
