My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
