Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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