they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
