Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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