Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The struggles of a small town man whore
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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