Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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