yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
