Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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