Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize