Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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