i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
