i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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