she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
