nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
