If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I want her autograph on my taint
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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