On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
