My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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