Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
