I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
