how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
