don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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