went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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