Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
