I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
