She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
no you cant smoke seaweed
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
