You're so nebulous sometimes
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He? As in you personified your dick?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
