Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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