Screwed.edu
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
