So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
