Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
