I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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